How many arguments and anxious moments and awkward interactions could’ve been avoided?
Are they facing a huge age gap?
Are familial differences getting in the way?
McMillan gets to the root and then some but will couples stick to her sound advice?
If only she could be the voice in our heads all the time.
Would you like to come in and talk about it?"
There was a process of meetings.
This show is everything that I’m interested in as a person who …
I sometimes say it’s like I’m a jailhouse lawyer.
That was four years ago.
Since then, we’ve done 60 episodes of the show.
Basically, I spend probably 10 hours in therapy with every single couple in a therapeutic process.
It’s not actual therapy because I’m not an actualtherapist.
I’m a coach, but I have a lot of psychological background.
I’m going to say, “Here’s what you’re doing.
Here’s what you’re doing wrong.
Here’s what you’re gonna wanna do to fix it.”
We get to cut to the chase on a lot of stuff.
There can be various obstacles that prevent people from doing that work.
Some people have huge growth on the show, and then some people don’t.
The people who get a little bit, that’d be another 50%.
It’s not over their heads they just can’t let it in for many reasons.
But you’re free to only acknowledge what you’re free to forgive yourself for.
Self-forgiveness, I’m sure, is one of the biggest hurdles.
It doesn’t mean you let yourself off the hook.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean you didn’t do anything.
Some people insist on staying unconscious because it’s safer.
Some people wake up because that’s safer.
I don’t judge; I’m just here.
I’m here if you want it.
It’s not me.
I’m just sitting in this chair.
It’s your story.
It’s your life it’s possible for you to do with it whatever you want.
It’s every kind of issue that we deal with on the show.
I’m not driving home thinking about what just happened.
I have to let it go.
It’s probably like working in an emergency room, or something like being a firefighter.
You don’t keep thinking about it.
You would probably go crazy.
Plus, you have your own life that you’re trying to live …
It’s only coming through me.
I’m not doing it.
Something’s coming through me, then they’re going to take it from there.
I have yet to be walking down the street and run into somebody.
That would be really interesting.
I see something of myself in every single couple, for the most part.
There’s things that I’ve had to confront in myself that they’re having to confront in themselves.
I have a very good ability to confront people, but be firm but not unkind.
When I don’t backtrack, then they want to get in a power struggle with me.
I’m not in a power struggle.
I know what my power is my power is I’m here.
This is my chair.
I have a chair and a camera.
It’s my show.
I’m like, “Yeah, I’m not intimidated.”
I can actually withstand that attempt to push me off.
That’s a huge service to them because they’ve never been with somebody like that.
But I’m not maintaining any relationships past day three, so I can be in my center.
That is many times …
This happens with women [and other] people on the show too.
They’ve never had someone not cave, and it’s a great experience for them.
The online grid is really about what Oprah’s about.
That heart space, that purpose, that mission is at the very center of our show.
It’s the same core group of people.
I hope I don’t sound too lofty.
No one walks out of there the same as they walk in.
That’s what it’s about.
It’s about healing and growing families.
I know you came from a rougher childhood, foster care.
In what ways would you say that your early experiences shaped you as a relationship coach?
It also gave me a lot of struggles when I was younger.
But because I feel like I did the work …
I’m like, “All right, this is my work to do in this lifetime.
Let’s do it.”
Now, I can give back out of that same experience.
You do it in every way.
You want to do it one on one.
I always say I’m doing it in line at Target.
Somebody brought a camera, that’s all.
That’s what I would be doing.
If there was no camera, I would still be doing this.
I would walk outside and have a conversation with somebody.
that’s what it’s all about releasing life energy.
This interview was edited for clarity.
